How to Be a Positive Without Being Annoying
Being positive and happy is linked to well-being. However, some positive people can be over-the-top. You want to express your positivity without annoying other people with how happy you are. You can achieve this by being positive about yourself, showing positivity to others, and communicating positively with others.
Being Positive about Yourself
Accept yourself but don’t brag.Positive self-acceptance is highly correlated with a sense of well-being.However, if you are too confident you may seem arrogant to others.
- Know your positive characteristics. Make a list of what you like about yourself, and remind yourself of these positive things regularly.
- Be confident, but not smug or arrogant. This means feeling confident, but not boasting. For example, if something positive happens to you, tell people about it, but don't repeat it over and over and dwell on it. This can be annoying to other people and cause them to be envious.
- Don’t downplay your competence, but don’t over-emphasize it either. Be both warm and competent.
- Use positive-self talk on the inside such as saying to yourself, “I am awesome. I did a great job.” Don’t flaunt it or say out-loud how great you are.
- Pay attention to your achievements.Perhaps you did a great job on an essay or school project. Congratulate yourself but don’t tell everyone about it if they did not do as well as you.
Accept the negative aspects of yourself.Everyone has room for growth. If you accept this, then you can feel more positive and interact with others in an authentic and honest way.
- Own your flaws and mistakes. Admit when you have made a mistake. Even if you don’t think you did anything wrong, it can be helpful to apologize. You could say, “I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."
- Do not think you are better than other people. Sometimes people can get stuck in this kind of negative thinking in order to make yourself feel better. However, this can cause you to come off as pretentious.
- Be humble. Practicing humility is about constantly trying to improve yourself, instead of thinking you are already the best you can be.
- Be open to learning from other people.
Showing Positivity to Others
Display kindness to others.Noticing your own acts of kindness can help you be more positive and feel happier.
- Help other people reach their goals. Offer your assistance if you see someone struggling. However, don’t over-exert yourself or this could make you stressed out and unproductive. Set healthy boundaries such as politely saying no when you don’t have time to help someone at the moment.
- Service to others is a fantastic way to show kindness and positivity. You could volunteer at a homeless shelter, give household items or clothing to the needy, or donate money to a good cause.
- Avoid offering someone help if they don’t want it; this can be annoying or frustrating.
- Try not to be overly sweet, this can come off as fake or not genuine.
- Praise others. Give compliments. This is a great way to show your positivity.
Be realistic.Being positive all of the time and about everything can be tiresome for others. Try to be realistic instead of overly optimistic in problem situations. People who are depressed may actually have a more realistic view of the situation.
- Think logically in difficult situations. Instead of thinking, “This is going to turn out so well, I know it,” train yourself to think, “There is a chance this could go wrong, but I have hope that it will be okay.” Notice how the second thought is more realistic and accurate than the first, which tries to predict what will happen in the future.
Engage in positive activities with others.Pleasure and leisure activities are important to maintaining a sense of happiness and well-being.
- Propose positive activities such as: hiking, going to the beach, watching the sunset, or playing a sport.
- Avoid harmful activities such as using drugs or alcohol excessively. Show others that being positive is natural and can be obtained without the use of substances.
Tune into the needs of others.The more you get to know someone the more you will be able to identify what might be nice versus what might be annoying.
- Notice the sensitivities of others and try to change your behavior if it will result in less annoyance. For example, some people might be annoyed by loud chewing, knuckle cracking, nail biting or other habits.
- If you are unsure if you are annoying someone you can ask, “Is this annoying to you?” If you have a trusting and honest relationship the person will likely tell you the truth.
Communicating Positively with Others
Demonstrate assertiveness.Assertive communication is the best way to interact with others. However, some people who are positive can come off as aggressive because they can end up hogging the conversation or talking about themselves too much. Assertiveness, as opposed to aggressiveness, is about being clear and respectful about your needs and desires without being aggressive (speaking loudly, talking excessively, yelling, etc).
- Show a genuine interest in others. Avoid talking too much about yourself. Instead, ask questions.
- Use a calm and appropriate tone. Loudness can irritate people.
- Try not to interrupt others in conversation, or when they are doing something productive.
- Show affection properly. Sometimes touch can be annoying or unwelcome to others.
Validate others.Sometimes super positive people can try to jump too fast into saying something positive to another person when the individual is hurting emotionally.
- For example, if your friend just had a fight with her boyfriend, telling her, “Don’t worry about it so much,” might be invalidating. However, saying something like, “I know you are sad right now and that makes sense.”
- Don’t assume you know how someone else is feeling even if you have been in the same situation.
Mirror the emotions of others.If your friend is feeling sad, avoid smiling at her or trying to make her laugh (unless she wants you to). Instead, look concerned and interested. You don’t have to feel sad yourself, but mirroring her emotions can help her feel close to you and believe that you understand what she is going through.
- Curb your enthusiasm around individuals who might be more quiet.
Use humor appropriately.The most important component of using humor in a positive way is to know your audience. In order words, telling a dirty joke to a 3 year old may be inappropriate.
- Avoid racist or sexist jokes especially if you know others might be sensitive to these types of topics.
- Avoid teasing others in an offensive way.Pay attention to reactions and act accordingly.
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