How to let go of the bad and move on
How to forget the past?
No This is our memory. And if it seems to you that you have forgotten this or that event, a copy of the file will still remain on the back of your subconscious. Yes, and this mechanism of forgetting is not always useful (that is, repression), since blocking unsolved problems sometimes leads to psychosomatics, and even to serious mental problems.
Why is the bad so well remembered?
Because it is difficult for our brain to separate the good from the bad. And first of all, consciousness remembers that which has most affected us emotionally. Therefore, we are dragging the negative into the future, from time to time reliving it anew or plunging into pleasant memories of how everything was fine, until what happened.
How to relive unpleasant events and move on?
Time and emotions
“Time heals,” says popular wisdom. And in order for the body to recover from severe stress, it needs a certain time. According to the authors of the book “Emergency psychological assistance”, on average,to survive the grief reaction that occurs in the situation of any loss, is required from one year to one and a half years. It is necessary to go through all four phases of perception of what happened (shock and numbness, the phase of suffering, the phase of acceptance, the phase of recovery).
Time also helps emotions. Do not hold them back, otherwise it will exacerbate the experience or develop psychosomatic diseases. As you experience, do whatever your body commands. He wants to cry - cry, wants to sleep - sleep, wants to watch TV - look, wants to tell, chew the situation - find someone who will listen to you. If there is no one to tell, describe all the emotions in writing. You can even publish them in social networks, but be careful with angry or stinging comments. Unfortunately, not all people are able to properly support.
"Forgive and let go," says another popular wisdom. If you are offended by the person who left, fired you, framed and so on, forgive him. First of all for myself.
How to do it?
Find, for what to thank. "Gone? And it's good that he left. Thanks to him. Saves my nervous system. And then constantly freaking out because of him. It is not right.Now there will be an opportunity to calm down and start life from scratch. "
"Fired? Super! Without this dismissal, I would have planted the whole body. The heart ached, the eyes, the pressure jumped. In fact, it was not a job, but a war. Next time I will be more careful when searching for a job. "
- Method of balls
Particularly effective for working with insults. We take two glass jars. We buy balls or beautiful pebbles (usually sold in the departments of creativity or floristics). Stocking vouchers for records. When we remember about a good man - we put the ball in one jar, if we remember the bad - write on the leaflet offense, turn into a ball and put it in another jar. When the first jar is full, put it in a prominent place. It will be positive, or something you can admire in a person. When the second jar is full, burn its contents. This jar you no longer need.
- Rupture of a conditioned reflex
Human experiences are also associated with objects, smells, sounds, or the environment as a whole, which surrounded during a negative event. And people know how to break this conditioned reflex unconsciously.
For example, some relentlessly get rid of things and gifts of the former, delete contacts, correspondence, photos.Others leave to rest or change their place of residence in order to get rid of painful memories more quickly.
- Method "Reflex under control"
If the above options do not suit you, you can try the following. For example, you divorced your husband and he left you an apartment. The gap was very painful, you did not want to part, but you had to. Now it has become difficult for you to enter your once cozy common nest. First, take off the general photos from the walls, collect photo albums, gifts and hide them for the time being. Make a permutation / repair, buy a new furniture, change the curtains. Invite a non-conflicting family member, girlfriend with children to live with you.
- Method "New Associations"
It is also useful to provide new associations with stimuli for which you have formed a conditioned reflex.
For example, your boss set you up and you had to quit. The boss always consisted of a certain musical group, which you can not stand now, although you used to regard her work well or neutrally. A group is very popular and constantly sounds in different places.Do you want your mood to always spoil under the influence of this music? Hardly. It is necessary to come up with an effort of will to create a new, safe association for the stimulus. It is difficult, but possible. Turn on the hated composition and remember, for example, how you went to the cinema, to the store, to your birthday today. Repeat stimulus and association several times. And soon you yourself will hum the melody with pleasure.