Is it true that we are all naturally monogamous?
We live in a world in which through the Internet you can meet people from the other side of the world, or simply arrange a meeting with someone closer within literally 10 minutes. If in the economy availability of supply is capable of stimulating demand in abundance, then, translating it into the language of romantic relationships, can we say that today's realities are pushing us towards polygamy, or does everything happen in practice exactly the opposite? In this case, is monogamy a natural phenomenon or just a “convenient” way of building alliances that has taken root over time? And how can you find your form of relationship, if it is now absolutely certain that thousands of your hypothetical “second half” live in the world (if not millions ?!)?
Paradox: we seek our only love and change
We are used to the fact that human life develops linearly, and in our Russian mentality it is even more strictly linear: at one age we learn, in the other we build a family, at the third we retire,and it is possible to change these stages somehow among themselves with difficulty (or not at all) because of the existing socio-political and cultural structure. In our perception, youth looks like a time of searching for a monogamous partner, when it is permissible to “gulnut” or “try oneself” in polygamous relationships, but in the majority opinion, they would still be considered lucky rather than those who “homogenized” already at the institute and quickly created a strong family, than the one / one who decided to focus on experiments.
Thus, a monogamous union with reproductive plans turns into a certain goal of life or at least in its significant aspect in society, and books, articles, tips and trainings are devoted to the search for one single thing. It turns out that we consciously go to monogamy, often even with a negative perception of our own (and someone else's, by the way!) Polygamous period, we leave the registry office with all the pieces of paper, and then we are confronted with statistics: 20% of wives ever cheated on their husbands or partners in cities, for example, in Moscow, this figure is even higher - 27%), while for men it is even worse - 75%. That is, all his life depicting in his head an ideal monogamous picture of the so-called paired relations,most of us (if we summarize the faithful and unfaithful of both sexes) are still sliding into polygamy, even if they are all blaming everything for a short cloud of reason: "Well, one can be foolish once." Why do we continue to consider ourselves monogamous, if the operation called "Loyalty" proves to be a failure?
Sex is about pleasure, not about the struggle for survival.
"People are not animals" - such an argument is usually liked by the Puritans in disputes about sex, thus explaining that it is the mind that compels a person to pacify the animal instincts. Yes, it seems that we really are not animals, because only 3-5% of the species live in monogamous unions. Unlike animals, we have a huge number of times having sex not for the sake of reproduction — several hundred times per child, whereas in animals this ratio is about 12: 1.
From the mechanism for fertilization, we turn sex into a game or hobby with our own rules, creative approach and fantasies, so that a person has regular sex even closer to the concept of culinary experiments or music creation than to the banal physiological process of reproducing life, as it happens in animals.And in cooking, we are not limited to one product, and we don’t write a single song all our life in music ...
Monogamy - a natural trait or cultural habit?
Scientists today agree on the point of view that people are not born monogamous or polygamous, but make their choice during life on the most favorable conditions for them. Human history clearly shows how the value of the traditional union of a man and a woman at different times was strengthened against the background of economic changes in society. For example, when hereditary landownership appeared and clear evidence of paternity was needed in order to transfer land to children, or with the advent of capitalism and the development of industry, when the state needed labor. But if you look at history, it will turn out that at all times different societies and cultures have varied the scenarios of relations between the sexes, which means that there is no one “for all” scheme. And if someone tells you that this scheme is monogamy and “stop talking about it,” then, as we have already discussed in the first paragraph, in reality this scheme does not work.