Reasons for divorce
As is known from the work of the great Russian writer, all happy families are equally happy, and unhappy - each in their own way. Let's try to analyze the possible reasons for the divorce, and provide some algorithm of actions to try to avoid it. The best treatment is prevention.
The main causes of divorce
It happens that in the depths of the soul the spouses have long since divorced, but continue to live together, poisoning life for themselves and others. But still, many do not dare to take such a serious step as the official divorce and continue to live alongside the unloved, in fact, man. They torture themselves and him. If they are not lucky, they also torture children who grow up, try to create their families, make the same mistakes, and also suffer all their life, looking back at their parents, looking for confirmation of the “normality” of their situation.
Let's make a reservation right away, the norm is when both spouses are happy. Happiness is when a person happily hurries to work in the morning, and in the evening, tired of work, hurries to the family. And not in the garage, in the pub, to friends, girlfriends, to the hairdresser, to go fishing - anywhere, just to spend less time with your spouse, because sex is long gone, and the scandals have long been there.The fact that most of your friends live this way is not the norm. We will also talk about the reasons for these “invisible” divorces between spouses. So the norm is your personal happiness.
- The first place is surely alcoholism of one of the spouses. Despite the fact that the trouble is all-Russian, it is impossible to live with an alcoholic. Moreover, to be happy. It is pleasant, probably, to see how strong (in quotes) a man wallows in his legs and asks for forgiveness, gives flowers and gifts. Only in the evening the same picture again, got drunk, could not resist, could not, shakes the rights. And always will be. Mother drunkard, so it is generally grief in the family.
- In second place, the faithful companion of alcoholism - domestic violence. This gratitude passes very quickly, but never fear. This psychological axiom. Fear holds many families, but rather women, who in a good way have long had to disperse from their unsuccessfully chosen husband.
- The third reason for divorce is the periodic betrayal of one of the spouses. On the eternal question - to forgive or not to forgive, everyone answers in his own way. But the correct answer is one - not worth it. Either overestimate your strength, and you will remember betrayal until the end of your life, and at any opportunity also plug your partner with it, or sooner or later, the changed husband once leaves again. And next time, maybe forever.And it often happens that girls, due to age-related changes, by this moment are already left at a deeply broken trough. Unlike the departed spouse of the same age.
- Separate from treason, the fourth reason we highlight the care to another partner. It differs from treason only in that the spouse does not return, having changed the partner for a while, but changes him forever. What will happen to the partner to whom he has gone is not so important, but according to the same statistics, he most often leaves him. A sort of bun. And from his grandmother left, and from his grandfather.
- The fifth reason for the divorce in the family is the classic expression: “they did not agree on the characters”. Converged, tried, but failed. This also often happens when, at the stage of relationships, people confuse love with love, or even passion. All of us are different not only in character, temperament and other fundamental things, but we are also strongly distinguished from each other by religion, cultural customs, just upbringing, in the end.
For example, in the family of the husband the father was the head. And in the family of his wife, the head was the mother. So too happens, is called matriarchy. Imagine, now, can children who grew up in such different families agree on who will be the head of their family? If you wish, of course, they can, but for this you need to understand that the head of the family is the one who feeds her, that is, earns more.And do not cook the purchased food! If both continue to pull the blanket of primacy over themselves - a constant conflict, and after it a divorce, are inevitable.
How to determine, even at the stage of a relationship, that the likelihood of a divorce is very high for this reason afterwards, after creating a family? Remember, the saying “If a relationship is found out - it means they exist” - it was people who couldn’t live together, but very willing at the love stage to be with each other. Then they, in response to the reason for the divorce, answer: “they did not agree on the characters”. And if you, instead of enjoying relationships - find out them, it is better to wait to start a family.
Invisible cause of divorce
The invisible reason is calmer and not accompanied by strong emotional experiences. This is boredom. People cease to be interested in each other, silence for hours and other satellites of a sudden cooling of relations. Unseen, this reason is called because the most educated and intelligent people get to it. Most, when the relationship frankly bored both, diverge for reasons of either betrayal or a change of partner. Why, between loving people, arises intolerable melancholy, even talk about?
This happens when one of the spouses continues to grow and work on himself, while the second stops at the stage at which he feels comfortable. He has a minimum necessary for life: Food, apartment, car, TV, football, beer, even his wife, no need to look for a sexual partner. Care for yourself, look attractive - this is quite expensive and troublesome, what more could you want? And the wife received the second higher education, became the head of the department, writes new projects, collects material for the projects. In five years, these people will really have nothing to even talk about. But this does not mean that they made a mistake by creating a family. The mistake was made by the one who stopped in his intellectual development.
Therefore, develop, love and be loved!