What can lead friendship with the former
Scientists Liza Elling and Justin Mogilski from the University of Oklahoma decided to find out what is “wrong” with such people if they somehow manage to be friends with the former, while most of us just hate our past lovers and boyfriends. In a group study, it turned out that these “friends” have one thing in common - the presence of so-called “dark personality traits” in psychology, which include narcissism, split personality and other forms of psychopathy. The aim of the study was to find in the respondents a link between the perception of their own “I” in behavioral tactics and the form of relations with past partners, and it turned out that all these calls for the fact that even after a break you have to remain people and be friends as if nothing had happened The respondents had a very clear strategic goal with selfish motivation - to increase their own self-esteem, to demonstrate themselves above others, while not showing sincere interest or empathy towards others.
The general type of this group of people was defined by scientists as generally indifferent and narcissistic - these are people who are not accustomed to be the first to come to help, less often demonstrate emotional support, less enter into trusting relationships with others, and in principle are less interested in the feelings of being with them person It turns out that this very “I am friends with my ex” is rather an egocentric narcissistic gesture with the goal of “holding” people around you who were not indifferent to you than the humane urge to be on good terms with everyone.
For example, some respondents, for example, put forward versions that they were friends with their ex only to make sure that they themselves were a great couple and that their ex-partner still admired them secretly (and maybe even deep down and regrets the break). Others expressed other versions that could also be attributed to a certain category of scientists called "Practical and sexual motives." In other words, the daffodils did not just keep in touch with their former partners, but in order to use these relationships in the future,play another game on the once strong emotional ties or at least establish themselves in the idea that they, daffodils, are just ideal partners both during the novel and after its completion.
By the way, for the authors of this study from the University of Oklahoma, this is not the first work on the topic - they had previously studied how the narcissuses and other characters with personality disorders behave in private, and found that those more often than "normal" people , they use tactics that are beneficial only to them in relations with their halves and friends, they are more likely to choose their closest people by the status of the latter or by the supposed benefits they can bring to them.
Daffodils hate to lose, so they will try to keep in touch with their former partner until the end, so as not to feel the pain of loss; they experience real dependence on people and difficulties in order to "let go" of a person after the completion of a relationship, "- says another researcher on psychopathic disorders, Tony Ferretti
He also comes to the conclusionthat if for all of us strong healthy relationships are an important and pleasant part of life, then for egocentric people the very presence of a partner turns into just the meaning of life and a way to establish itself in society.
According to statistics, we all feel happier in relationships than outside of them, but narcissistic people can not literally live without permanently being with someone (apparently, even with the former), and they can not accept the idea, that a man who was once in love with them took it and traded it for another or another. Therefore, in and of itself, communication with the former for them, in fact, is not a real friendship - the researchers say that such people use knowledge of the weaknesses and vulnerabilities of their once second half and continue to play on this even after the break, creating the illusion of control over themselves man and domination over him.