What if your husband was a tyrant?
Unfortunately, not in all families love and mutual respect reign, absolutely uninformed reality are families in which violence prevails, and it can be both psychological and physical. For some reason, it is considered that house tyranny is a cruel behavior of a person who beats up his wife and close relatives.
However, constant quarrels, cavilings from the second half, reproaches and mistrust - this is the same tyranny from which, perhaps, it is time to flee. For various reasons, women can endure bullying for a long time, however, any patience someday comes to an end.
What if your husband is a real tyrant? Of course, he was not always like that. Rarely, when men at the stage of courtship and before the wedding reveal their true gut, therefore, it is not so easy to define a tyrant in advance.
Tyranny, of course, is also different: sometimes it is expressed in innocuous but regular whims and cavils by the husband.“Again cutlets oversalt!”, “Again you are without makeup and hair at home!”, “Again you did something wrong” and so on ad infinitum. Sometimes tyranny develops into more serious reproaches and endless scandals, often accompanied by shouts and insults from her husband.
And, perhaps, the last phase of domestic tyranny is assault. They dislike any disobedience, they hate when the situation is out of their personal control, and they are constantly trying to strengthen their sense of authority.
Where do tyrants come from?
How did it happen that the once caring and gentle man turned into a natural, homemade despot? When you draw a picture of a real tyrant in your head, a strong man with a steel character and an iron will, who does not tolerate any objections, appears in the imagination. Surprisingly, in real life, this is extremely rare.
Basically, male tyrants are weak, notorious and extremely cowardly people at heart who, by virtue of the enormous number of their own complexes and inferiority, try to assert themselves at the expense of the “weaker”, that is, wives and children.
It often turns out that future tyrants in their childhood were strongly offended by the older guys, humiliated by their parents or even their peers. Future tyranny can take its origins in the man’s parental family; perhaps he was constantly seeing a similar pattern of behavior on the part of his father or stepfather. Children's psychological trauma can easily play a cruel joke: now an adult man fully strengthens his power and influence on a woman.
He tries by all means to control and suppress those people who have fallen under his influence, and also to always insist on his own, even if he knows from the very beginning that he was wrong. Agreeing with the opinions of others is now akin to losing power.
How to recognize?
You can always avoid extremes, to do this, try to recognize the early manifestations of tyranny in her husband. It may be worth considering if your husband:
- Constantly makes quite sharp comments regarding your appearance, cooking, home life and parenting. At the same time, everything is expressed in the form of reproaches and compulsions that negatively affect your self-esteem.
- Forbids to work, at the same time, at first relations veils it under the phrases "my woman should not work, I myself am able to provide for my family."It gives multiple offspring, thereby strengthening your financial dependence on its capabilities.
- Prohibits the use of decorative cosmetics or wear bright things on the street.
- Constantly imposes his opinion, hiding behind the phrase "it would be better for you," and it does not matter that it will not be better.
- Strongly restricts communication with relatives, friends and, even more so, the opposite sex.
- Applies physical force against you or children, and at the same time, as a pretext there can be any trifle - at the wrong dinner dinner, not so ironed shirt or the phrase you said at the wrong time.
What to do?
The first right answer, which begs without hesitation - to run! To file for divorce, change housing, if necessary, in general, do everything to never see this person in your life again. But, unfortunately, in reality it is not always so straightforward. How to get a divorce if we have two (three, five) children? What will I do, because I can not do anything and have no education? Unfortunately, situations are different, how to help yourself?
- Turn to a psychologist, it is better with her husband. Perhaps, the therapy sessions will be able to direct you on the right path, or perhaps they will convince you that you cannot live like this anymore, and you will be able to safely end this problem.
- Do not try to obey everything, thinking that, by doing so, you will gain mercy from your husband. Explain calmly and confidently that you are not his thing, but a person who has the right to decide for himself. Sometimes a quiet but confident conversation is enough for a man to reconsider his views on life.
- Perhaps it's worth asking for help from good friends or male relatives who could talk to him like a man. If you do not believe in a good outcome of such an event, you may want to contact the law enforcement agencies, remove the beatings, if any, and go to your decision to the end.
- Grow externally and internally, watch yourself and grow intellectually. First, it will never be superfluous, and, secondly, you will gain a greater confidence in yourself and your strengths.
- Look at the situation directly in the eye: it is unlikely that such a person is able to change, in this case, whether you have to endure humiliation all your life? Think of the children for whom such a life can greatly affect the development and development of the personality, but you do not want to raise new tyrants? If you see that nothing helps, then take courage and break the relationship with this person once and for all, appreciate your life, because you have one.